


Maybe Later

by Immawritesomeshit



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Budding Jeankasa, Developing Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hopeful Ending, Set before Declaration of war, Slight manga spoilers if you haven't read chapter 123, They just talk and have a moment, background eremika
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-17 15:35:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29102646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Immawritesomeshit/pseuds/Immawritesomeshit
Summary: Jean and Mikasa have a little talk whilst keeping watch in Marley. Sure, he's a little drunk, but he can keep his feelings to himself.......Right?
Relationships: Mikasa Ackerman/Jean Kirstein
Comments: 32
Kudos: 146





	Maybe Later

**Author's Note:**

> My first jeankasa fic! I hope that with the new episodes being released there will be a lot more support for them lol.

Connie sees him stare at her a little too long once again. And unlike other people, fucking Connie doesn’t have the decency to not point it out.

“I’m pretty sure you should be over this...” he paused, racking his brains for a word that could adequately describe whatever it was that Jean felt for her. “…this _thing_ you have for Mikasa by now.”

“And you should have a full head of hair by now.”

“IT’S BY CHOICE, ASSHOLE!”

“Lucky.” He murmured as he took another sip of beer. “You always have that excuse to fall back to-“

“And you don’t?” Connie prodded. “You trying to make me feel bad for you here, big guy?”

“Is it working?”

“Kind of.” A pause. “She’s like... completely devoted to Eren.”

“So I gathered.” Jean said, his eyes trained on the ground. “I can see.”

“Yeah.” Connie patted him a little too strongly on his back as he stood up. “Once the fighting ends, I’ll give you a shoulder to cry on.”

 _But when will the fighting end?_ Jean thought bitterly, watching his comrade walk in the general direction of their lodgings. _It was never supposed to begin in the first place._

One by one, everyone left. He saw Sasha tug Mikasa along, chattering excitedly about something as the black-haired girl listened patiently. She might have spared him a glance before leaving. _Might_ have. 

But then again, he was pretty tipsy. 

Not a great development, admittedly, because Jean was keeping first watch. Levi had insisted on at least some of them staying awake in turns for the whole night because ‘ _I still don’t fully trust that fucking monkey’_.

Which made sense, considering what a double-crossing asshole his little brother ended up be-

“You’re keeping watch?”

Mikasa was there, next to him, and he hadn’t even noticed. Maybe the alcohol had affected him more than he thought. 

He was immediately glad it was her and not captain Levi who had caught him lacking. 

“I swapped with Connie.” He said, offering her a small smile. “He’s been a little skittish about the whole… killing people stuff. I figured he could use some extra sleep.”

She pulled her scarf over her mouth, her eyes unfocused as she stared at the empty beer cans littering the floor. Even Levi had learnt to ignore the mess their little group made, though Jean was sure he was keeping a checklist of the sloppiest members to discipline them later.

 _Later_. It was such a comforting word. Everything would happen later, later.

Later, when they could put down their weapons for good.

“You’re not sleepy?” He asked.

Mikasa shook her head. “I can take over if you want to-“

“No.” He whispered. “To be honest, I can’t sleep either.”

“Mm.”

A lot of people he knew were afraid of Mikasa. And for good reason. She could probably kill most of them if she wanted to.

But they were also scared of her because they couldn’t understand her.

She never spoke much, this insanely strong woman sitting next to him. All her movements were precise, silent. Almost flawless.

And people were suspicious of her now, because they all feared the day her loyalty to Eren would lead to her abandoning them too.

Maybe it was presumptuous of him, but Jean _knew_ that she would not abandon them.

Especially because he’d grown to see how much she loved _them_.

Mikasa loved silently.

She would always be the first to defend Armin and at any sign of trouble, her gaze would fly to him. She put herself in danger to save Sasha, and the two of them had only grown closer (he remembers walking in on Sasha tying Mikasa’s hair in a ponytail like hers. It was an oddly intimate moment and he was immediately pushed out of the room). She’d saved Connie multiple times too, and after his mother’s tragedy was revealed, was especially fast to shut down anyone who spoke ill about the whole ordeal.

And she _listened_ to him. Even though she had often dismissed his words earlier (her casual reaction to his initial compliments was still a running joke with Sasha and Connie) she now listened to his every word, showing him that she valued him. That she recognized his ability.

“How are you holding up?” He asked, hoping he was not overstepping. She had been a mess after Eren’s letter arrived, detailing his intentions, a gruesome plan that would definitely kill many innocents.

She didn’t answer. But her eyes were flooding, and _of course_ it was dumb of him to tear up a wound she was barely holding close-

“I’m sorry, I-“

She shook her head. “I’m not… good.” She said softly. “I’m afraid for him.”

_Ah. I knew it._

He wanted to console her with empty words. _He’s probably just talking tough_ or _we’ll slap some sense back into him_ or _the power of your love will save him_ or-

But dammit, he cared too much to lie to her.

“Eren has chosen to go his own way.” He said instead. “At some point, we may have to fight him. Especially if he keeps choosing to kill.”

She finally looked at him then. “I am at fault.” She said, “I _knew_ something was troubling him. I didn’t give enough importance-“

“He’s not your child, Mikasa.” He interrupted her self-loathing. “You don’t have to take responsibility for not understanding his every fucking thought.”

“He asked me what he is to me-“ She argued. “He asked me why I care so much for him, and I… hesitated.”

“What do you want me to say?” He tried to not sound hurt. He’d hoped she had had enough tact to not mention her love life in front of him.

“Do you think-“ Her shoulders were shaking ever so slightly. “Do you think _that_ hurt him?”

“Honestly? I think he knows how you feel about him.” He contemplated opening another can of beer. “We all do.”

“But I don’t.”

“But you do- _what?_ ” He definitely needed another can. “What do you mean you _don’t_? You _love_ him.”

“I do.” She answered readily. “But I don’t know _how_.”

“What?”

“I’d thought I wanted to…be with him, but-“ She pulled at the scarf again. “Now I’m not so sure.”

“Having him plan a mass murder puts a damper on your crush, doesn’t it?” He allowed himself that jab, though it didn’t feel as good when he saw Mikasa wince. “Sorry. That was rude. You’re… _confused_ right now. That’s okay.”

She didn’t look entirely convinced.

“Look, there’s probably a war coming, and your _boyfriend_ – don’t make that face – is leading it. No one is going to blame you if you don’t feel the same about him anymore. He’s making it a little difficult to even like him right now.” He finally caved and reached for a new can. It was probably not cold any more, but he wanted to at least be tipsy enough to fall fast asleep when the next person took over his post. “If you ask me, we don’t have the luxury to worry about love right now. Let’s all survive first and make choices… _later_.”

“It’s okay that I’m unsure?”

He took a huge gulp. The beer was flat and it tasted like medicine. “Yep.”

She looked at him, a little hopeful. “Have you felt unsure too?”

“Fuck yeah. Many times. Connie calls me a glutton for punishment.” He chuckled. “But at the end, every time I think of it, I still love you, Mikasa-“

Then the world stopped.

She looked shocked, she looked so taken aback, so confused, and _oh shit oh shit that’s why she talked to him about love she’d had no clue about his feelings-_

He could pretend that nothing happened. He could pretend that it was the alcohol talking, make some lame joke about not remembering names, and she’d indulge him and they could remain in uncomfortable silence till the next guy came to save them.

“Just to be clear-“ He said, forcing himself to meet her eyes. “I’m not expecting anything. It just… slipped out. Feel free to uh… pretend this never happened.”

Was it sadistic of him to enjoy how much his words affected her? How she could no longer brush them away like they meant nothing? That he was important enough to make her flush such a pretty shade of red?

She opened her mouth many times, but no sound came out. And all the while, he watched her from the corner of his eyes, stifling laughter. He had expected sudden rejection and maybe even disgust on her face. The reality was more-

“Hey.” He murmured, “I mean it. You don’t have to think about it so much-“

“Thank you-“ She managed to choke out.

He paused, waiting for a ‘ _but_ ’.

It never came. Instead, there was a soft ‘ _will you wait for me?’_

“Huh?” He blinked, convinced that he had heard her words wrong.

“I said… will you wait for me? My heart– it’s all confused…” She was playing with the ends of her t-shirt now. “Later, after all this. Can I give you my answer then?”

“Hm?” He leaned forward, smirking as he noticed her blush darken. “What if my feelings change by then?”

She stopped fidgeting. “I’d still tell you my answer.” She said, “Later.”

“Later.” He echoed.

She stood up suddenly, and he assumed their conversation was over. But-

“So don’t die.”

She had disappeared by the time he turned towards the sound of her voice.


End file.
